The New York Times and Gallup have located the "happiest person in America." To do so, Gallup put together a composite for such a person, based on key happiness characteristics for 2010. The key to happiness is to be, said Gallup, "a tall, Asian-American, observant Jew who is at least 65 and married, has children, lives in Hawaii, runs his own business and has a household income of more than $120,000 a year."

Okay then. Then, the New York Times found a guy who fit the bill, perfectly!

Meet Alvin Wong. He is a 5-foot-10, 69-year-old, Chinese-American, Kosher-observing Jew, who's married with children and lives in Honolulu. He runs his own health care management business and earns more than $120,000 a year.
Wong's advice for being happy: "My life philosophy is, if you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to be pretty terrible for you."

If you're not a tall Asian-American Jewish male over 65 who lives in Hawaii and runs your own business...sucks to be you.

Statistically speaking, the saddest person in America is a hispanic woman aged 45-64 who's separated from her husband, but that person was far too depressing for the New York Times to track down.