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Monday August 26, 2002

Online Dating - Virtual Nightmare?

Christine Lee

Seems like anything and everything can be found on the Internet nowadays, including a mate. All that stands between a web surfer and a new main squeeze are a few clicks of the mouse. When you consider the alternative - waiting for Prince Charming to arrive on your doorstep - downloading and sorting hundreds of pictures and profiles in the space of a few hours becomes more appealing. After all, millions of Americans can't be wrong, right?

Asian Americans in particular have a wealth of sites catering to them, including AsianLoveConnection.com, AsiaCircles.com, and Eastmatch.com.

Eric Yoon, founder of Eastmatch.com, said that traffic on his site has increased dramatically since its inception a year ago. With no marketing tactics other than listing itself on various search engines, the site generates15,000 to 20,000 page views on a weekly basis.

"My site tends to focus in the age group between 23 and 36. Most are employed professionals living in the major metropolitan areas such as New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles. The ratio of males to females is about four to one, and there are a wide array of Asian American ethnicities, with a larger number of Koreans," Yoon said.

But is the Internet really a safe and easy way to meet people? What type of personalities fare well in online dating? Armed with two personalities and yahoo email accounts to match, I decided to see if online dating lived up to its hype.

Party Girl: Fun-loving, spur of the moment trendsetter. No holds barred gal looking for a guy that can keep up.

Girl Next Door: Quiet, stay at home type looking for someone to have intelligent conversations and watch movies with.

And we were off. I registered my alternate personalities and watched the techie love battle unfold.

Within the first week I was glad I had the foresight to set up email accounts and not forward everything to my real address. Both my mailboxes were hit with more than 50 messages asking for pictures, instant messenger ids, dates and sometimes, even more. The sheer number of dates I got asked out on was enormous.

Surprisingly, the girl pouring the punch seems to get more dates than the one drinking it in the online world. Although there was definitely a fair share of guys looking for a quick fling or new adventure, the Girl Next Door beat the Party Girl in terms of the number and quality of responses. Party girls attract "party" responses – short, aggressive and lewd. There were some clean answers from men just looking for casual, fun relationships also. But in general, the responses from men to quiet personality had a little more in depth.

Online dating is not for everybody. If the idea of meeting or getting to know someone through the Internet is not something that scares you off, then by all means, go for it. But keep the following advice in mind:

(1) Watch out for frauds. The most valuable nugget of wisdom I gained from my short online dating stint is that scrolling through personal profiles is no replacement for human interaction. It is difficult to tell if someone is telling you the truth. One of the scariest and most unappealing discovery was hearing from the same guy twice. More than a few men answered both the ads, stating in one that "I love to party too! You sound like a fun girl!" to "You sound like just my type of girl - I am sick of the clubbing scene too" in another.

(2) Meet in a public place for the first time. No matter how much you may think you know someone it's still better to err on the side of safety. In addition, it can take some of the pressure and anxiety off the situation if you suggest a casual first meeting with friends.

(3) Don't expect a love miracle. If you jump into online dating looking for your soulmate you will probably be disappointed. The internet isn't a heaven-sent cupid, it's a tool. A tool that can pay off in introducing you to new people and activities if you go in with an open mind and light expectations.

With that said - good luck. Just a few clicks and you could be on your way to digital bliss.



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